63 - Pirate Chantey (Key and Peele)

Words by Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele
Tune by Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele

In a 2015 sketch by comedy duo Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele, a group of pirates sing this song and undercut expectations about gender relations on the high seas.

I once met a lass so fine,
She was drunk on barley wine
I’d been to sea for months of three
I knew I could make her mine
And the lass was past consent
So it was off with her we went
And we threw her in bed and rested her head
And we left, 'cause that’s what gentlemen do.

A woman has a right to a drink or two
Without worrying about what you will do
We say “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho”
'Cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo

There once was a girl from Leeds
Who I heard was good on her knees
So I docked my ship for an overnight trip
To take care of all of my needs
She had piles of tales to tell
And my mast began to swell
So I laid her down and raised her gown
And performed cunnilingus for an hour or so

Always take care of your lady fair
'Cause they deserve as much attention down there
We say “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho”
'Cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo

I once had a woman so fair
Whose womb contained my heir
With a son by my side, the seas we’d ride
The child she would bear
But my girl, she was no fool
She was working her way through school
So I did support when she chose to abort
Because it’s her body and therefore her choice

A woman has a right to a drink or two
Without worrying about what you will do
We say “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho”
'Cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo

No, we don’t say “booty” 'less we’re talking 'bout gold
We don’t look at chests 'less it treasure holds
With a hat and a feather and a cutlass on her hip
We will never say “she” when we’re talking 'bout a ship
We don’t say “bitch” and we don’t say “whore”
'Cause that language leads to things like body dysmorphia

There was a lady with a golden eye
And the doctor said she would die
So she emptied her purse to lift the curse
And prayed to stay alive
She awoke the very next day
Hand in her grave she lay
But the scariest part of the story from the start
Is I bet you assume the doctor was a man

Women are doctors too
And for a fraction of the dubloons
We say “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho”
'Cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo